Choices

In school, they teach you the basic theories on how you end up the way you do: genetics or environment. Either we become what we become based on what we're born with, or by where and how we grow up. At home, I was also raised to believe that the stars influence us. It sure is one heck of a coincidence that so many people born in the same phase of the year have similar traits stronger than those born any other time of the year. All of these theories are viable, but there is one flaw that stands out with them: we have no control with these.
And ultimately, I'm coming to realize that it's our choices that put us where we are. I'm an only child, so I don't have any siblings to compare with. My mom is the oldest of four. They all had the same upbringing and DNA. Two of them went one way, and two of them went another. I'm certainly not the only person to grow up in the California dessert. We've all had many different outcomes. And all the Pisceans in the world certainly aren't just like me. We choose what our life is like and where it will go.
It isn't all about our choices, though. Other people's choices influence us, certainly. But how we react to those choices is what affects our individual lives.
For many years, now, I have chosen to remain not in control of my life. I've chosen (until recently) not to learn how to handle my finances. I chose to have relationships and friendships where I've been completely submissive. I've chosen to seek jobs that won't support my lifestyle, and I've stayed in most of those jobs until they've become unbearable. My actions have also affected my parents. Though they have made choices of their own, I know my actions have hurt them, financially. All of my choices and actions have only fed the notion to myself that I am not good enough or worthy of success.
I don't know when it started. I'm not sure how to stop it. I can only do my best and see that my choices will prove to myself that I'm worthy of everything I deserve.
I miss acting so much. I've been in L.A. for over six years, now, and I've hardly done anything for it.